One Year

I went to Mexico for the one year anniversary of Kris’s death.  I had the idea over the summer and think it’s one of the best decisions I’ve made since Kris died.  Being at home seemed like it would have been the worst thing for me. I would have taken the day off work and been miserable.  Instead I went to an all-inclusive resort in Cabo for ten days and had the best time ever! My only purpose was to get tan. I didn’t leave the resort, didn’t care to explore Cabo.  Just bring me drinks and let me sit by the pool in my J.Crew bikinis! I think it’s the first time I’ve been able to truly relax. Twelve of the best people went with me.

It is kind of a downer coming back from vacation though.  The first vacation I’ve had in a year. I mean, real life is always rough after vacation but it’s hard to walk into an empty house alone, to be by myself when I just spent ten days with my best friend and ten of my favorite people.  But back to work. Spring will be here soon.

It’s hard to believe that it’s been a year.  Time went by faster than I thought it would, although sometimes it seemed like the clocked never moved.  I think about Kris a lot, but he’s moved more to the back of my mind instead of dominating all my thoughts.  There might be some days where I hardly think about him at all. I guess that’s how moving on works. I took down all my pictures when I decided to start dating, that was one of the harder things to do.

I don’t cry very often anymore, thank goodness.  It’s exhausting to be consumed by grief. I just got tired of being sad all the time.  Although I did have a breakdown last night because this website wasn’t working, and I couldn’t figure out how to fix it.  The backside of the website was Kris’s deal. The Word Press live chat guy was very patient with me…..and obviously I got it to work because you’re able to read this.

I have a new normal now.  My own routine. The house is quiet, sometimes too quiet.  I always have music playing or the TV on for background noise, except when I write these posts.  I need the silence to organize my thoughts.  I haven’t really figured out what I want to do moving forward.  I’m mostly just trying to simplify my life.  Still working on organizing things and getting rid of stuff.  I’m having my bathroom remodeled.    

I hate ninety percent of inspirational quotes.  The only one that’s been true this last year is that time heals.